why, hello there

hmm...

2010-11-07T23:01:00.000-08:00

feeling a bit emo lately. it actually sorta sucks. whatever =/

last summer?

2010-05-22T09:30:00.000-07:00

hello all. it's been a long while again hasn't it?

school is done and i am now completely in summer mode, which isn't that much different than how i usually am in it. nothing has changed in my life but, i do long for a little change; i'm still cruising comfortably along. i am totally fine with it.

this past semester, many of my friends have graduated and this makes me feel a bit panicked. we all entered into higher education at the same time, yet i am still striving to finish it. well i guess it IS my fault for cruising and taking minimum classes all the time. whatever. i am most likely going to graduate next semester though. oh god, wtf will i do. whenever i think of this i wonder what those who have graduated are going to do. i know a couple who have set their course into the adult/working life already, but how about those without that path already made? i know i tell myself to make my own path. you know, clear all obstacles to make the path easier to take and just cruise along. thats my way of thinking, but is this thrust into the working life something that i can handle? its not like i have a choice though, i HAVE to be able to withstand it.

CHOICES

1.) i have been thinking about what i want to do, and i think i may just go back to school. i really want to get something i can work with in the future. however, what exactly should that be? should i continue japanese studies? i would not mind focusing on japanese linguistics in masters studies. by doing so, i'll have a much clearer grasp on how the language works, becoming able to effectively explain WHY this has to go there and that has to go there. maybe i can even pursue teaching.

2.) i still really want to do jet, but i honestly can't hold all my hope on that one option. competition is fierce on this island for it, and i really should have some sort of experience in explaining english in japanese or just teaching experience in general. i mean, i'd have to really impress the reviewers with my writing style and ability to use english in order to even get that second interview. i doubt i'd make it that far. even if, by some slim chance, i do gain that second meeting, i don't think i would be able to impress them. i want to do this but i just don't think i am interesting/prepared enough to get their attention.

3.) thoughts on military service still has not left my mind. i would not mind joining, and gaining nursing/medical experience while serving. it could probably get my fatass into shape as well, seeing as i am doing only meager amounts of exercise for now. idk. its a high-risk/high return deal. gain money and education while literally putting myself in immediate danger.

4.) then there is school again. not pursuing masters, but going to kcc or some other institution in order to attend their respiratory therapy courses. i really want to pursue a life in the medical field. not only do i get to help others, it is a stable area with a decent pay. this is essential to my lifestyle. i don't mind going back to school in order to gain this. this is the path i am most likely to follow out of the four. maybe i can get away with the second choice before going on to the fourth?

whatever. either way, i'm going to pursue something out of these. maybe within this "last" summer, i'll have some sort of revelation and be guided along a new path. most likely not, but i can still have hope. i just want to enjoy this summer with everyone.

...i'm still super sad about my tv. curiosity may have killed the cat, but it also FUCKING KILLED my TV b...*ahem* oh well. not like i can do anything about it now =/. i know i relied on my tv, but to think how much i'd feel lost with out it is astounding. it wasn't even used as a tv in my household. it was a giant monitor so the feeling is more like losing another computer, rather than a television, and if you know me which i assume you do, you know how much importance i place on my computers. i srsly need a job to keep this life up.

i hope life will continue to be as easy as it has been. i really should catch up with current events. theres nothing like the feeling of being knowledgeable in random things and having others be like "why the fuck do YOU know this?"

i hope everyone has a great summer. my next post will most likely be soon, unless i get a new tv then i wont be posting for a while again (￣ー+￣)ｷﾗﾘ

update!

2010-02-07T23:22:00.000-08:00

...yea. life is no different than from my previous entry. life is life and i am still just cruising along. not steering off the path towards my goals, but also not trying to race towards them. im slowing progressing towards my future. ive found my balance between school and non-school and am enjoying it. i wonder when i will ever feel that sense of discontent with life.

A Storm Is Approaching.

2009-08-09T22:30:00.000-07:00

hmmm so apparently theres a hurricane coming to hawaii...should i be worried that im alone on the fifteenth floor? im not really sure what to expect from this, but it may be just like all the other supposed "storms" that have come close to hawaii and just be a bunch of bull. myeh whatever.

sooo...lots of people are back in hawaii. its nice to see everyone again, but the whole being on the young side is not paying out real well right now. bleh. i hate being the one stopping the majority from doing something. i dont really care about the drinking and stuff, but i do care that it stops me from having fun and how it stops others from doing what they want in order to accomodate me. im usually just enjoy the fact that im with friends, but if we cant do something because of me, it just ruins my mood and i cant seem to snap out of it. apparently it shows more than i thought cuz even micah and ben mentioned how my personality changes. nnnnnnnn......UUUGGGHHHH.......so yea thats all thats been bothering me lately. other than that things are great, besides the jealousy that i still hold towards ben and jacob. UGH. fucking lucky ヤロウs.

school is starting soon too. fuck. its gonna be a storm of bullshit once more. cant wait to see the new young faces! (〃▽〃)ｷｬｰ♪ but fuck....im taking a course thats frankly, scaring the shit out of me. the more i think about it the more i get scared. last fall semester i attemted to take an upper level writing intensive course JPN 421. that course was a nightmare come true. we had a fucking crazy sensei who hides behind the facade of a cheery elder teacher. i probably wrote like fucking 20+ papers ranging from the easy 2 page essay to the fucking final 15 pager....ALL IN JAPANESE. fml.

....anyways this time around im taking the japanese course JPN 492 which is also an upper level writing intesive course, and well the past is coming back and scaring me shitless. will it go the same way? perhaps itll be fun this time around? i can only hope for the latter. this time around our sensei is ogasawara and shes real nice. like seriously nice and has no badside....at least none that i have witnessed as of yet. so yea. im just hoping for the best. all the other courses im taking seem pretty cruise. hoping for an easy A with korean class. maybe if i finish up the rest of my courses quick i can try to attempt a student exchange?....probably not, but yea i can just hope for the best in the future.

so yea recap:
-hurricane? uh-oh?
-under 21 still = fml
-学校= delicious young ones!...and paper hell?

Monotony

2009-07-18T16:36:00.000-07:00

well my summer has run into its usual cycle once again, but i guess i have just come to accept the simplicity of my days. i dont want to whine anymore about how my life is so boring. its my fault for not doing anything or having any drive to start something, so i shouldnt try to make others try to sympathize with me. bleh. it still sucks though haha.

lately ive been wondering if i should get a hobby of sorts. it seems as though all my friends are diving into the world of photography, and while i do hold a sort of fascination with pictures and such, i really doubt i have the creativity and the talent for such a task. i mean anyone can take a picture, but for it to be interesting, and to have the ability to invoke feelings or laughter is on a totally different level than anything i could possibly produce. maybe with practice i can gain a better sense of photography, but once again, my lack of drive comes into play and prevents me from doing something that may give my life a bit more action. *sigh* whatever i guess i can just continue to dream of a life filled with interesting happenings.

hmm well on a lighter note, my interest in korean has been steadily growing and it now includes certain musical acts rather than just the movies. i cant understand shit, but its exactly how i was with japanese a couple years back so hey, all i can do is just learn it little by little. cant wait for that~! oh well ive once again fallen for the adorable faces of the girl pop scene. ugh...i just got out of the japanese trap too, and now ive gone and become ensnared by the evil korean side. oh well. yea.

i guess ill go back to my renzoku viewings of asian cinema now.

mmmm SNSD goodnessヽ(ﾟ∀ﾟ)メ(ﾟ∀ﾟ)メ(ﾟ∀ﾟ)ノ

blogs...

2009-03-13T19:13:00.003-07:00

...*sigh* i created one more blog, yet i use none of them. god i gotta get a camera so i can blog about things i see...